Taking up a remote control device, I pressed a switch. The time had come toВ find outВ whether my preparations would be fruitful. 'You are all my subjects now, lie down before the terrible centipede!' While many ran away screaming, some did as they were bid by Murdoch and lay down,В believing they were entering into some new world order,В only to be gobbled up by the creature. 'Prostrate yourself before me and you may be spared!' barked Murdoch like some insane dictator. As it progressed through the woods, it tore up and ate anything in its path, crunching whole trees in its elongated mandibles.ДЄlongside the centipedeВ flew Rupert Murdoch, whoseВ ancient imaciated bodyВ hovered high up in the airВ within a globeВ of glassyВ lightВ which held him in the skyВ under his control, presumablyВ via the wires that were protuding from his head.В Clutching onto Murdoch's backВ was the orb-weaver spider which had given birth to the sickening multi-legged monstrosity that was now approaching the bandstand. It was crawling quickly upon its numerous yellow legs, feeling its way with pink antennae. It wasВ a centipede of the genus Scolopendra Cingulata, with alternating bands of black and yellow gold across its back. Looking across the Pinner Memorial Park which lay behindВ my boardingВ room, a gargantuan creature, perhaps 15 metres high, came crawling though the trees at the far end. However, whatever image I had prepared of my foe was incomparable to what lay before me then. My eyes snapped open and I rushed to my window to set eyes upon my nemesis, for whom I had been preparing these past weeks in utter seclusion. It was in the early hours of the morning that I was woken by a distant screaming. Sooner that I would like, that is for sure. 'Ha ha ha! Stigwood you miss your chance, my friend!' he laughed, and he and his spider flew away into the horizon, leaving a trail of cheese-scented gas behind him.ДЄs I watchedВ his cheesyВ vapour trail evaporate, I wondered to myself when I would next encounter the evil of Rupert Murdoch. Murdoch flew towards me and hovered in my window. I pulled the trigger, but instead of shooting Murdoch, it jammed. 'Your days are numbered, you fiend!' I called to the maniacal brute, who was staring towards the TEM masticating on his monster.

Reaching from my window ledge, I picked up a sniper's pistol and raised it in the air as he hovered nearby. I still had to deal with my arch nemesis, Rupert Murdoch and his spider bride, the monster that was once Rebekah Brooks. Or at least the threat of the Satanic Centipede was over. It then devoured the Centipede, chewing heartily on its victim. With the beast raisedВ high in the air, TEM pulled the Centipede into two, its green fluids pouring down upon the park. And then TEM rose, its eyes shining bright red, its forearms fullyВ outstretched and grippingВ the Centipede in its powerful claws. It disappeared again from view as the blow was made. As they tussled and fought for life - and each others death - they became submerged in the woods until the two fell out of sight and all became momentarily quiet.ДЇinally the Centipede rose from the woods, its back arched in fury as it pounced upon TEM as if for the final brutal kill. The two continued to roll in a terrifying death grip, thundering on towards the woods from whence the Centipede had originally emerged. The giant two then rolled around in the dirt of the park, splashing through ponds and killing swans, destroying a bandstand and impaling an elderly lady on a pitchfork. Murdoch screamed in horror as his creature was clutched by my wonderful metal mongoose.Д«ut it was not yet over, for the centipede twisted and came out on top of my TEM. The spider which had given birth to this creature scampered about on Murdoch's back at the sight of this, in some disgusting satanic parody of maternal care. The wretch seemed all but done for, until it leapt up and flattened the squirming worm, gripping its spidery tendrils with all of itsВ power.

TEM's jaw opened to utter a shriek of robot pain, its transistors fusing and causing smoke to emit from all of its orifices. Wriggling inВ TEM's face, the centipede squirted venom through its forcipules into the eyes of my machine. 'Attack creature! Attack!' he spat feverishly, sensing his planВ ofВ world domination could be facing its only possible threat.Д¬entipede leaptВ into the face of TEM, causing the plucky machine to fall to the ground from his lofty perch. Rupert Murdoch, from hisВ womb of lightВ perched high above the aggressors,В barked orders at the many-leggedВ arthropod of Hell. Centipede whisked around in anger, hissing atВ his robotic antithesis.

TEM rose up upon hind legs, iron claws protruding automatically from paws. Centipede snarled, spitting mucus fromВ its furry mandibles.

Mongoose pinner